I was born in Mount Pleasant, Utah, shortly after the Paleozoic era.

Okay, I’m just kidding.

I was actually born on a small planet in the Andromeda galaxy called simply 1-1-1-4. Not a very imaginative name, but then, my people aren’t very imaginative in that way. And I suppose I ought to mention I wasn’t really ‘born’ at all. It was more of a ‘spawning,’ really. I sort of came into being due to an accidental mixture of a few highly experimental chemicals. Needless to say, after seeing the result of their concoction, the scientists working on the project quickly abandoned it.

My name is Zorg. It’s a perfectly normal name on 1-1-1-4, but soon after coming to 1-232-4734-3 (which the inhabitants refer to as Earth, an only slightly more imaginative name), I discovered that by some freak coincidence it was already in common use here, and usually as a ‘funny’ name for imaginary aliens. This disturbed me to some degree, but after being assimilated into Earth society I became known as Cory Poulson, so I didn’t get laughed at in school. Well, I did, but not for being named Zorg.

But I digress. If you really want to know more about me…

Oh, shoot. Some guys in white coats are knocking on the door. Be right back.